I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
