what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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