Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
