There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
