Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
