Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
