She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
