Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
