im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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