Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
