im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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