I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
