the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
