I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
