Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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