I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
