Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
