I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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