Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
