There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
