The maid of honor just puked.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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