At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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