I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Use "feeling words"
Yay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
