my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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