just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
