We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if only i could text you this smell
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
