My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
