The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
