i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
