Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
