..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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