According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
