He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
