the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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