used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize