It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
