this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
