I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
