i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
