A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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