haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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