Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
