Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
