i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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