well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My balls are so social today.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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