So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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