Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
