sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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