So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
