Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
