I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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