Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
