I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
