wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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