do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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