I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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