Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
