So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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