Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
