Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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