the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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