i think my tv is drunk
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
