i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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