Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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