He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
