I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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