grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
