Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize