Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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